Valentine’s Day, Schm-alentine’s Day

Since everyone in relationships is either stressing about what to do for their significant other and everyone who’s single is drinking wine out of the bottle and crying about their lack of love life over a heart-shape box of chocolates, I would just like to say one thing: I don’t give a fuck. Really, I don’t. Today is Tuesday, and that doesn’t mean people love you any more or any less than they did on Monday or they will on Wednesday. Being a Valentine’s Day hater produces so much negative energy that it’s simply not worth it. So what if last February 14th you had a wonderful guy who brought you flowers and took you out to dinner and did everything right? I mean, if he was so wonderful, he’d still be around. And if you spend today dwelling on all of your past failed relationships, you’re going to be miserable. There’s no need for that.

Here are some things you should do on Valentine’s Day, regardless of whether you’re attached to someone romantically or not:

  • Call your mom and tell her you love her, like you do every other ordinary day
  • Have a sexy rumpus with someone who smells nice (if you’re attached, buy your person some awesome cologne to ensure this happens)
  • Send a Valentine’s Day card to your BFF
  • Buy a box of conversation hearts and pretend each one is complimenting you as you eat it (or just get a bunch of free ones from the intern who sits in your cube and enjoy them just as much)
  • Go on a second date with someone awesome (yeah, did I forget to mention this is happening?)
  • Dress sexy so even if you don’t feel like you are, other people will notice — and compliment you!

Happy Tuesday, folks!

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