On Making Things “Facebook Official”

ImageThe whole idea of “Facebook official” quite frankly pisses me off. Like, when did this become a thing? Before 2004, or whenever Mark Zuckerberg began his plot for total world domination, being superpublicly “in a relationship” with someone didn’t really exist outside of your closest group of friends (and family, of course), unless you had a ring on your finger. Right? Am I right?

But now, when you make things official with someone — which I’m fairly certain I’m about to do (!) — there’s the extra layer of expected official-ness. The other elephant in the room: should we put it on Facebook? (Is that a question you ask?) I’ve only ever been Facebook official with two people since I joined in 2006; the first time, I made my high school boyfriend join Facebook specifically for that purpose. The second (and most recent) time, I got wasted on my birthday (as all responsible 22-year-olds do) and demanded that the guy I had been on 4 dates with ask me to be his girlfriend. After a bit of cajoling (signs it’s not going to work out: THERE SHOULD BE NO CAJOLING), he agreed. I mean, I had no idea what I was doing, but at the time it seemed like the right next step (hint: it wasn’t).

We didn’t talk about Facebook. A day later, I changed my status to “in a relationship” because after having “The Talk” with him, I couldn’t list that I was single on my page and feel like I was being completely honest about it. I didn’t request to be in one with him, because I’m a firm believer in letting guys do whatever they’re comfortable with regarding awkward social standards such as these, but he linked our statuses together a few days later.

10 days later, he decided it wasn’t a good idea for us to date anymore.

Well, great. Now that we’ve made our relationship status public for all of Facebook to see, we have to just as publicly remove it. 10 days? Just 10 days? Honestly, my first thought when I realized I had to take it off my profile was: gosh, what are people going to think?

Since then, I’ve been rather turned off to Facebook relationships. Making things official among the two of you as a couple — necessary, I know. Telling your friends — sure. Putting it on Facebook? I still don’t know how I feel about it. The times that I’ve had it up there, I’ve enjoyed seeing it there, but I think it might be for the wrong reasons. If I’m happy, why do I have to validate my happiness with everyone else? Why does more and more of my private life end up in the public eye, ready to be judged? Just some food for thought.

What do you guys think?

3 thoughts on “On Making Things “Facebook Official”

  1. Fab post – and a very real question! I’ve never been “Facebook official”, opting instead to just remove the ‘single’ from my status. My best friend forced a boyfriend’s hand on this matter (think it might also have been a white wine-inspired idea) and he dumped her. She has vowed never to initiate Facebook Official-ness again. Bottom line – I wouldn’t bother about being in a relationship on Facebook. Happy to take the ‘single’ away quietly but I don’t think I’d ever be virtually official unless he initiated it. PS Great news about your boy!

    • Such good advice! At this point, neither of us have “single” listed on our pages — I’m fairly certain that he recently removed his, whereas I haven’t had mine since September’s debacle — so I’m keeping my fingers crossed that it won’t come up at all. He’s pretty social media savvy though, so if he wants it up there I’ll oblige. And thanks! He’s really, really great — a refreshing change after all of the awful dates I’ve been on lately.

  2. Pingback: How to Completely Half-Ass an Important Conversation | The Yuppie Diaries

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