How to Completely Half-Ass an Important Conversation

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As many of you might have guessed from my last post, I had recently been contemplating making things official with the guy I’ve been dating for the past month or so. (Woah, exciting!) As a bit of a recap, over the course of the past five months I’ve gone from being depressingly single after being abandoned without explanation to going on three dates with three different guys in a single weekend to becoming happily monogamous with someone I really like. That seems like a natural-ish progression of events, I suppose.

Anyway, that’s not really my point here. My point is that for the past week or so, I’d been thinking about the inevitable conversation that I would have to initiate in order to state my intentions that I had no desire to see anyone else and how I hoped that he didn’t either.

That’s kind of a difficult conversation, especially if:

  • You’re the type of person who gets nervous or anxious about simple things, such as scheduling a doctor’s appointment over the phone or not submitting your taxes properly.
  • You’ve already talked about the elephant in the room: why you’re both online dating, the craziest online date you’ve been on, how many relationships you’ve been in, etc.
  • It appears from every angle (how much time you spend together or how “dates” have smoothly transitioned into “hanging out and staying over”)  that no conversation is needed, despite the presence of social norms which allow you to see other people until you’ve strictly made it official.

I think I go against the grain in that once I go on a few dates with a guy I like, I don’t actively try to see or meet other people, in the hopes that dates will transition into a relationship. If I wanted to pursue other options, I would — but I never do.

I thought about ways I could begin the conversation (“So, I was thinking about deleting my OkCupid account…” or “I’ve been assuming we’re exclusive, I hope I’m right…?”), mulled the details of the situation over and over (and over) again, picked friends’ brains about what I should do, agonized and made myself nervous, and last night finally decided to man up and do it. Continue reading

Can we please make a movie called SHE’S Just Not That Into You — and make every dude watch it?

Clingy girls were put to shame (myself included, yikes) when the movie He’s Just Not That Into You came out a few years ago. Thanks to the lovely Ginnifer Goodwin’s character in that movie (also hopefully thanks to obvious social cues), most girls understand that when a guy doesn’t text or call them back, it means they’re really not that interested.

Unfortunately, there is no such public manual for clueless dudes.

When I ignore text messages — and I really don’t do this all that often — it never sends the message that a dude should back off, because they keep texting me. Any self-respecting girl (hi, that’s me — hopefully you too) would not text a guy more than three times in a row without a response. Thus, it baffles me when my inbox from Date #3 (yes, awful date #3) looks like this:

Monday evening: Hi

Tuesday evening: Hey

Wednesday evening: How was your concert yesterday? Continue reading

A Small Rant About Texting

I’m not the biggest fan of texting. Usually, because guys either don’t text me enough or they text me too much (appropriate to make a Goldilocks joke about my texting expectations?) But right now, it’s because this conversation just happened:

Guy whose number I don’t have*: Hey, long time, no talk

Me: (panic panic panic who is that?)

Me: Sorry, who is this again? I don’t have your number in my phone :/ (Sideways frown will certainly indicate that I truly am sorry I have deleted whoever’s number this is!)

GWNIDH: Haha I figured, it’s one of the guys from OkCupid you talked to awhile back. I can stop texting you if you want.

Me: Yeah, that’s probably best. Sorry. (What I actually wanted to say: You’re kidding me, right? We haven’t spoken for a month and a half, you know that I deleted your number, and you still think I want you to text me? Jesus. Nope.)

*We messaged back and forth for a bit, and he was like text me and we can be friends! I was at a really low point in my dating life so I obliged, and then he proceeded to text me incessantly for days until I just started ignoring him. I’m serious, he was pestering the shit out of me. After a week of not speaking, I assumed he got the message and I eventually deleted his number.

Clearly, we’re not on the same page.

Also, I’ve gotten messages from people that are like “do you have a phone number?” and “can you text?”

My smart-ass responses:

1. Yes, I have a phone number. You could actually ask me for it instead of being passive aggressive about it because I hate when people are passive aggressive.

2. Yes, I am physically able to text. I don’t like it, but I am physically able to do so, although I’m not sure why you’re asking me this. Please elaborate further.

Most of these related articles aren’t actually related, either. They just look funny.