Guys, I’m not afraid to admit that I’ve been that girl. You know, the super clingy and emotional one. Everyone has at some point, even if you’re not willing to admit it. It happens to the best of us. I’m mostly a reformed clinger — I only get super crazy on occasion — so there’s this one thing I do that makes it somewhat okay: I generally keep it to myself. I know most of you are probably like, what’s the fun in being crazy emotional and super clingy if the guy you’re dating has no idea?
If you’re like me and freak out about the little stuff that really doesn’t matter, trust me. What he doesn’t know right now won’t hurt him, especially if you’ve only gone out a few times.
Regardless, my experiences with being clingy have left me somewhat jaded. When starting to date someone new, I make sure I keep my tendencies to cling in check (see: my general rules for texting men), and I absolutely do not put up with clingy-ness on their end. To be quite frank, I get annoyed when:
Someone texts me too much
Someone texts me more than three times in a row without a response
Someone reads too much into my text messages (or how long it takes me to respond between texts) and overreacts
Thus, I have composed a quick guide on the general situations in which it absolutely inappropriate to be clingy and emotional, as follows:
We have only been on two dates
I haven’t shown immense interest in you, held your hand, or kissed you
I have not texted you since we went out three days ago
Okay. It’s story time. Every guy from my 3 date weekend extravaganza is officially out of the running, which I could honestly care less about. I told my mom the basic premise of this story, and she informed me that the title of my book, which I will be writing, has to be “Gotta Kiss A Lot Of Frogs, I Guess” — the problem is that I haven’t even kissed any of these guys! My experiences have just been that awful that I haven’t even risked it.
Unfortunately, in this post we say goodbye to D (Date #2, who actually might have had some potential), who after 2 dates revealed that he was just a little bit crazy. My take on this whole situation: thankfully it happened sooner rather than later, and thankfully I didn’t have to have the “we’re not exclusive” talk with him — I’m sure he might have cried. Continue reading →
Before entering a new, fresh year with a clean slate, it’s always good to reflect on the past year. Since I’m an awkward person, here are the awkward things (well, the ones I can remember) that I did with such poise and grace in 2011.
While having a discussion in the office about something completely unrelated to Mean Girls, a bunch of us started talking about Mean Girls and then I brought up this gem. Everyone looked at me, laughed awkwardly, and we all dispersed.
Convinced this guy I was sort of seeing* to stick with his plan of taking me to meet his friends after he had a complex emotional breakdown about how he “didn’t want a girlfriend,” mostly stemming from concerns about not being well-endowed (I am being completely serious). When we got there, his friends picked up on the awkward tension almost immediately and began feeding me wine, which helped on my end but it was still easily one of the most awkward situations I have ever gotten myself into. Willingly.
Tweeted a countdown to the New Year while imbibing red wine at my mom’s friend’s house, and posted it at exactly 12:00 on January 1. This year, I’m going to kiss a (hopefully) handsome stranger at midnight and hope that things don’t turn out like they did with that guy from #2.
Mailed a handmade card to another guy I was sort of seeing (we actually went on dates, so it’s a little better than #2) who had stopped talking to me without an explanation. I think I thought he would magically start talking to me again, but this didn’t happen. Um. Yeah.
Applied to a job posting on Mediabistro for a position I can’t actually remember the name of. They told me to write a funny cover letter, so I did. They didn’t hire me. Translation: I’m not as funny as I think I am.
Retweeted a lot of @omgidothistoo‘s tweets because I was like, “Oh my god, I do this too!” (Aka: the point.)
Went to a neighborhood association event across the street from my apartment with a friend who doesn’t live in my neighborhood, drank a beer without socializing with anyone but her, attempted to make eyes at some potentially cute guys across the room (it was pretty dark so I couldn’t really tell), and left after 30 minutes. Later, I complained about not knowing anyone besides the people I graduated with who stayed in town and the growing number of guys I don’t talk to anymore after dating them briefly.
Traded the cashier at Panera two dollar bills for quarters while ordering lunch so I could do laundry. She was hesitant to open the register, because I paid with a card, but I think my sad puppy eyes about not having any clean clothes convinced her to make the trade.
Snuck up behind my friend’s ex-boyfriend at a formal event where I already stuck out because I hardly knew anyone and covered his eyes to make him guess who I was. The result: he turned around, gave me a weird look, told me to enjoy my night, and walked away, resuming conversation with three other girls. (Yes, I also interrupted the conversation he was having. Oops.)
Just went through all of my tweets from this past year to figure out all of the awkward things I did in order to complete this blog post. I feel like I’m coming up short, somehow. Happy almost new year, everyone!
*This is a loose definition, as our sad summer fling consisted of: us making out in a sketchy club in January, accidentally running into each other again in June at the same club, him booty-calling me two weekends in a row, spending 4th of July together, and him actually calling me 3 other times while he spent a month at home 2 hours away.
He’s articulate, witty, charming — and you have just about everything in common. In terms of match questions, you answered most of them exactly the same (except for a few irrelevant ones, like if they know the first name of every person they made out with). But since you’re attracted to more than just his personality, let’s be honest. He is smoking. Hot, that is.
Fast forward: You have excellent conversation, agree to meet in person (oh my god, people actually do that!) and hit it off extremely well. You go on a few dates, and things are going well until you either:
a) Tell him that you’re happy at any point.
b) Tell him (while not suggesting total exclusivity) that you’re not particularly interested in seeing anyone else.
c) Try to make plans with him. At all. Ever.
Suddenly, he stops returning your texts and doesn’t answer his phone. Wait, hold on. What happened? Turns out most men, in my recent experience, have some form of commitment issues that they’d (understandably) rather not tell you about right away, which they then end up using as an excuse (not understandably) to run away (literally) and never talk to you again. Cool. Men suck. Continue reading →