Can we please make a movie called SHE’S Just Not That Into You — and make every dude watch it?

Clingy girls were put to shame (myself included, yikes) when the movie He’s Just Not That Into You came out a few years ago. Thanks to the lovely Ginnifer Goodwin’s character in that movie (also hopefully thanks to obvious social cues), most girls understand that when a guy doesn’t text or call them back, it means they’re really not that interested.

Unfortunately, there is no such public manual for clueless dudes.

When I ignore text messages — and I really don’t do this all that often — it never sends the message that a dude should back off, because they keep texting me. Any self-respecting girl (hi, that’s me — hopefully you too) would not text a guy more than three times in a row without a response. Thus, it baffles me when my inbox from Date #3 (yes, awful date #3) looks like this:

Monday evening: Hi

Tuesday evening: Hey

Wednesday evening: How was your concert yesterday? Continue reading

Extremely Awkward and Highly Unimpressed: Not Just First Date Jitters

Hey guys, guess what? I went on three first dates this weekend (and not just because I’m like Drew Barrymore in that movie where she’s always going on first dates with this guy because she has short-term memory loss… never mind.) After a couple of months of doing the online thing, I’ve gone on more dates than I ever thought I would. I like meeting new people, at least that’s what I keep telling myself, and lately I’ve gotten a lot more lax about who I agree to meet. If a guy’s decent looking, appears to be able to hold a conversation, and we have some stuff in common, I’ll go for it.

Usually, I insist on meeting and talking over a cup of coffee (because I can hide behind it if things are awkward) or drinks (because I’m always less inhibited — and sometimes just straight up honest — when I’m tipsy), and that’s gone fairly well for me so far, although they’ve all had their awkward moments. Honestly, I’d never been on a first date that I deemed to be absolutely awful… until last night. Continue reading

3 Days, 3 Dates, 3 Dudes. Or as I like to say, efficient.

Admittedly, I’m somewhat of an online dating whore. I don’t do this on purpose. I mean, I haven’t even been doing this for that long (October, guys). The first couple of weeks everyone was interested in me, and rightfully so, dammit! I’m considered awesome in the world of online dating, and by that I mean I’m not fat, divorced with a kid, a chain smoker who works at a gas station, or need to be committed to a mental hospital because I’m super cray cray. Guys should be flocking to me, just sayin’. But lately, I’ve hit a bit of a dry spell — the only messages I’ve been getting as of late are from 25-year-old men who probably flunked the 9th grade and flaunt their tractor-driving skills on their profile. (Guess where I live. Just do it.)

Whenever I find myself in an online dating dry spell, I tend to message quite a few more people than I normally would, just to raise my odds of actually meeting someone normal. And that’s how I got around to scheduling 3 dates with 3 different guys—all in one weekend. Continue reading

The Different Types of Online Daters, Part 2

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Mr. Perfect For Me But Geographically Undesirable

Recently, I changed my settings to say that I’m looking for people anywhere, just to poke my head outside of the “I’m only looking for people near me so I can actually potentially date them” bubble and was astonished to find that I am a 90% match (or higher) more than five people. The problem? They’re on the opposite end of the country. Literally. Everything about them is perfect, except for where they’re currently taking up residence. So of course, they’re not going to bother giving you the time of day, because they’re only looking for their soulmate within a 25 mile radius. Continue reading