Things You Really Shouldn’t Say to the Person You Just Started Dating

Aside

  • “I wish I would have met you a week ago… before I signed up for match.com…”
  • (One week later) “So… I deleted my match.com account.”
  • “You should really just date my friend… I mean, he is single. And he works downtown.”
  • “Do you ever have any Michael Jackson fantasies? (Said during a make-out sesh while wearing Michael Jackson’s jacket from the Thriller music video — yes, that happened)
  • “I can’t tell if you’re crazy or really awesome.”
  • “I know I’ve only hung out with you twice, but you know more about me than most people find out in a year.”
  • (First date) “Want to come camping with me and my friends in 3 weeks?”
  • (Second date) “I think I’m falling in love with you.” — from dollm

This post is reader-friendly! What kinds of ridiculous things have you heard come out of your new lover’s mouth? I’ll add them to the list and link back to your blog.

When to Not Act Clingy and Emotional: A Quick Guide + A Story!

Guys, I’m not afraid to admit that I’ve been that girl. You know, the super clingy and emotional one. Everyone has at some point, even if you’re not willing to admit it. It happens to the best of us. I’m mostly a reformed clinger — I only get super crazy on occasion — so there’s this one thing I do that makes it somewhat okay: I generally keep it to myself. I know most of you are probably like, what’s the fun in being crazy emotional and super clingy if the guy you’re dating has no idea?

If you’re like me and freak out about the little stuff that really doesn’t matter, trust me. What he doesn’t know right now won’t hurt him, especially if you’ve only gone out a few times.

Regardless, my experiences with being clingy have left me somewhat jaded. When starting to date someone new, I make sure I keep my tendencies to cling in check (see: my general rules for texting men), and I absolutely do not put up with clingy-ness on their end. To be quite frank, I get annoyed when:

  • Someone texts me too much
  • Someone texts me more than three times in a row without a response
  • Someone reads too much into my text messages (or how long it takes me to respond between texts) and overreacts

Thus, I have composed a quick guide on the general situations in which it absolutely inappropriate to be clingy and emotional, as follows:

  • We have only been on two dates
  • I haven’t shown immense interest in you, held your hand, or kissed you
  • I have not texted you since we went out three days ago

Okay. It’s story time. Every guy from my 3 date weekend extravaganza is officially out of the running, which I could honestly care less about. I told my mom the basic premise of this story, and she informed me that the title of my book, which I will be writing, has to be “Gotta Kiss A Lot Of Frogs, I Guess” — the problem is that I haven’t even kissed any of these guys! My experiences have just been that awful that I haven’t even risked it.

Unfortunately, in this post we say goodbye to D (Date #2, who actually might have had some potential), who after 2 dates revealed that he was just a little bit crazy. My take on this whole situation: thankfully it happened sooner rather than later, and thankfully I didn’t have to have the “we’re not exclusive” talk with him — I’m sure he might have cried. Continue reading

Can we please make a movie called SHE’S Just Not That Into You — and make every dude watch it?

Clingy girls were put to shame (myself included, yikes) when the movie He’s Just Not That Into You came out a few years ago. Thanks to the lovely Ginnifer Goodwin’s character in that movie (also hopefully thanks to obvious social cues), most girls understand that when a guy doesn’t text or call them back, it means they’re really not that interested.

Unfortunately, there is no such public manual for clueless dudes.

When I ignore text messages — and I really don’t do this all that often — it never sends the message that a dude should back off, because they keep texting me. Any self-respecting girl (hi, that’s me — hopefully you too) would not text a guy more than three times in a row without a response. Thus, it baffles me when my inbox from Date #3 (yes, awful date #3) looks like this:

Monday evening: Hi

Tuesday evening: Hey

Wednesday evening: How was your concert yesterday? Continue reading

Extremely Awkward and Highly Unimpressed: Not Just First Date Jitters

Hey guys, guess what? I went on three first dates this weekend (and not just because I’m like Drew Barrymore in that movie where she’s always going on first dates with this guy because she has short-term memory loss… never mind.) After a couple of months of doing the online thing, I’ve gone on more dates than I ever thought I would. I like meeting new people, at least that’s what I keep telling myself, and lately I’ve gotten a lot more lax about who I agree to meet. If a guy’s decent looking, appears to be able to hold a conversation, and we have some stuff in common, I’ll go for it.

Usually, I insist on meeting and talking over a cup of coffee (because I can hide behind it if things are awkward) or drinks (because I’m always less inhibited — and sometimes just straight up honest — when I’m tipsy), and that’s gone fairly well for me so far, although they’ve all had their awkward moments. Honestly, I’d never been on a first date that I deemed to be absolutely awful… until last night. Continue reading

The Implications of De-Friending Someone on Facebook

Gosh, you know what I’ve started to realize? Facebook (also, the Internet in general) makes interpersonal relationships so damn difficult. It’s a double-edged sword, really, giving you easy access to basically everyone you’ve ever met (even the people you haven’t) but there’s some stupid algorithm that (I’m guessing) is used to determine “important” people you’re connected to on Facebook.

Yes. I am referring to this one guy (the one I’m trying to get over) who I mentioned in another recent post. Back in October, we went on a few dates. Things were going well. At least, I thought they were—until he dropped off the face of the earth. Since that’s happened, my emotions have been a sort of roller coaster (this can also be considered an open apology to my friends for talking about it waaay too much). I’m finally getting over it, which is good, but Facebook is constantly testing my resolve because it’s placed him in the “people I want to chat with” column for god knows what reason. “Simple solution,” I know you’re thinking, “why don’t you just de-friend him on Facebook?” No. And here’s why. I reserve de-friending only for the people that:

  1. I absolutely loathe and have no interest in talking to ever again
  2. I am extremely pissed off with over a long period of time (could be related to #1, but almost never happens)
  3. Post pointless status updates in high, intolerable quantities (i.e. more than 6 a day that chronicle an hour-by-hour account of your day)
  4. I friended in high school and college but don’t talk to, this can be enhanced by any of the above

Besides, Facebook gives you the option to unsubscribe to people’s updates, so that automatically rules out #3 as a valid reason to de-friend someone. I just think that de-friending someone is harsh, like… there are plenty of people that I’m connected with through social media that I don’t talk to anymore, but I haven’t de-friended them. The point of social media is to be connected to a network of people, and if you delete everyone that you stopped talking to at one point or another, you wouldn’t have a wide network. And, anyway, he didn’t de-friend me. So I’m not going to be the one to do it. That would make everything all official and pronounced and weird, especially if I ever run into him again. See? I told you I don’t make sense. (I did do the unsubscribe thing, though. So that should hopefully help a little.)