Why I Want a Manly Man (Guest Post)

This guest post was written by one of my dear friends. You might recognize her as “Jess #2,” J-Person. You love me,” or Anonymous J-Person. You know who I am” in a few of the comments. And without further ado, why she wants a manly man.

Stains. Stains are so… sexy. Grass stains, pit stains, sock stains — anything but tooth stains, ew — are incredibly attractive on a man. Stains mean a man works hard, plays hard, and isn’t afraid of dirt. If a man is willing to get dirty on the job, he’ll be willing to get dirty and work hard elsewhere, if you know what I mean. And I think you do. Let’s face it, girls, that little non-meat-eating hipster emo boy isn’t going to be eating your meat anytime soon. It’s unsanitary.

Since I just made an awesome Tarzan reference, I’m going to make another one. Remember when Tarzan suddenly got all grown up while jumping among the crocodiles and shit in the piranha-infested waters? That, my friends, is when Tarzan became a man. Why’s that? Because he was playing with crocodiles and risking his damn life. I’m not saying that I’m looking for a Steve Irwin type to be my better half, but if my man is afraid of killing a spider… we’re going to have some problems. (Mostly because our house would be overrun with spiders and other creepy crawly things, but that’s something entirely different.)

Men need to act like men. It’s okay for manly men to think with their head sometimes, and I’m not talking about the one with their brain. Continue reading