The Implications of De-Friending Someone on Facebook

Gosh, you know what I’ve started to realize? Facebook (also, the Internet in general) makes interpersonal relationships so damn difficult. It’s a double-edged sword, really, giving you easy access to basically everyone you’ve ever met (even the people you haven’t) but there’s some stupid algorithm that (I’m guessing) is used to determine “important” people you’re connected to on Facebook.

Yes. I am referring to this one guy (the one I’m trying to get over) who I mentioned in another recent post. Back in October, we went on a few dates. Things were going well. At least, I thought they were—until he dropped off the face of the earth. Since that’s happened, my emotions have been a sort of roller coaster (this can also be considered an open apology to my friends for talking about it waaay too much). I’m finally getting over it, which is good, but Facebook is constantly testing my resolve because it’s placed him in the “people I want to chat with” column for god knows what reason. “Simple solution,” I know you’re thinking, “why don’t you just de-friend him on Facebook?” No. And here’s why. I reserve de-friending only for the people that:

  1. I absolutely loathe and have no interest in talking to ever again
  2. I am extremely pissed off with over a long period of time (could be related to #1, but almost never happens)
  3. Post pointless status updates in high, intolerable quantities (i.e. more than 6 a day that chronicle an hour-by-hour account of your day)
  4. I friended in high school and college but don’t talk to, this can be enhanced by any of the above

Besides, Facebook gives you the option to unsubscribe to people’s updates, so that automatically rules out #3 as a valid reason to de-friend someone. I just think that de-friending someone is harsh, like… there are plenty of people that I’m connected with through social media that I don’t talk to anymore, but I haven’t de-friended them. The point of social media is to be connected to a network of people, and if you delete everyone that you stopped talking to at one point or another, you wouldn’t have a wide network. And, anyway, he didn’t de-friend me. So I’m not going to be the one to do it. That would make everything all official and pronounced and weird, especially if I ever run into him again. See? I told you I don’t make sense. (I did do the unsubscribe thing, though. So that should hopefully help a little.)

My Week in Bullet Points: January 6, 2012


From my Hunger Games marathon (no, I still haven’t actually finished the series) to my drunken debauchery on New Year’s Eve to my absolute lack of motivation to make an actual list of New Year’s resolutions (I’m already 6 days late, so why start now?), I haven’t really felt like seriously blogging. So, here we are: the second installment of the “I really don’t feel like blogging but I guess I can just tell you some random things that have been happening lately” post.

  • My New Year’s Eve was awful. I mean, I’m no stranger to a bad night out (being that crying girl in the bar happens to the best of us at least once… sometimes twice) but I drank way too much champagne, sent a text message to someone I probably shouldn’t have (which made it all the more confusing when he replied), didn’t get kissed at midnight (but later ended up making out with some guy named Will who was awful at kissing), almost wasn’t able to get a friend home after she attempted to pass out in her own puke, and took a $30 cab ride home by myself (after the cab driver informed me his credit card machine wasn’t working, so we’d have to stop at an ATM.) Never again will I insist that watching the ball drop on TV with my family, a few friends, and a glass of wine is overrated. How was your New Year’s Eve?
  • I finally decided to actively attempt to move on from a failed dating experience, but I’m still not convinced that I’m doing it properly, mostly because I refuse to do anything that makes sense to anyone, especially me. And I change my mind a lot. And I still like him. It’s the worst situation in every way possible.
  • I just realized that I’ve had more dating success online than by meeting guys the conventional way. Cool, I guess. Also, sort of related, dating is exhausting. I’m no longer thrilled by the prospect of having to go to dinner with an almost stranger, smile at his jokes even if I’m not sure what they mean, anticipate that he may or may not suck at conversation, and figure out whether I want to kiss him goodnight or if that would just be leading him on. Also, I don’t know what I want. Ever.

I honestly don’t have much else to say, but I needed to get some kind of post out there to start off 2012 so this blog wouldn’t disappear into nothingness like all of my others. Literally, this is the first time I’ve not been completely awful at blogging. There. That’s a good new year’s resolution.

A Brief List of Some Awkward Things I Did in 2011

Before entering a new, fresh year with a clean slate, it’s always good to reflect on the past year. Since I’m an awkward person, here are the awkward things (well, the ones I can remember) that I did with such poise and grace in 2011.

  1. While having a discussion in the office about something completely unrelated to Mean Girls, a bunch of us started talking about Mean Girls and then I brought up this gem. Everyone looked at me, laughed awkwardly, and we all dispersed.
  2. Convinced this guy I was sort of seeing* to stick with his plan of taking me to meet his friends after he had a complex emotional breakdown about how he “didn’t want a girlfriend,” mostly stemming from concerns about not being well-endowed (I am being completely serious). When we got there, his friends picked up on the awkward tension almost immediately and began feeding me wine, which helped on my end but it was still easily one of the most awkward situations I have ever gotten myself into. Willingly.
  3. Tweeted a countdown to the New Year while imbibing red wine at my mom’s friend’s house, and posted it at exactly 12:00 on January 1. This year, I’m going to kiss a (hopefully) handsome stranger at midnight and hope that things don’t turn out like they did with that guy from #2.
  4.  Mailed a handmade card to another guy I was sort of seeing (we actually went on dates, so it’s a little better than #2) who had stopped talking to me without an explanation. I think I thought he would magically start talking to me again, but this didn’t happen. Um. Yeah.
  5. Applied to a job posting on Mediabistro for a position I can’t actually remember the name of. They told me to write a funny cover letter, so I did. They didn’t hire me. Translation: I’m not as funny as I think I am.
  6. Retweeted a lot of @omgidothistoo‘s tweets because I was like, “Oh my god, I do this too!” (Aka: the point.)
  7. Went to a neighborhood association event across the street from my apartment with a friend who doesn’t live in my neighborhood, drank a beer without socializing with anyone but her, attempted to make eyes at some potentially cute guys across the room (it was pretty dark so I couldn’t really tell), and left after 30 minutes. Later, I complained about not knowing anyone besides the people I graduated with who stayed in town and the growing number of guys I don’t talk to anymore after dating them briefly.
  8. Traded the cashier at Panera two dollar bills for quarters while ordering lunch so I could do laundry. She was hesitant to open the register, because I paid with a card, but I think my sad puppy eyes about not having any clean clothes convinced her to make the trade.
  9. Snuck up behind my friend’s ex-boyfriend at a formal event where I already stuck out because I hardly knew anyone and covered his eyes to make him guess who I was. The result: he turned around, gave me a weird look, told me to enjoy my night, and walked away, resuming conversation with three other girls. (Yes, I also interrupted the conversation he was having. Oops.)
  10. Just went through all of my tweets from this past year to figure out all of the awkward things I did in order to complete this blog post. I feel like I’m coming up short, somehow. Happy almost new year, everyone!

*This is a loose definition, as our sad summer fling consisted of: us making out in a sketchy club in January, accidentally running into each other again in June at the same club, him booty-calling me two weekends in a row, spending 4th of July together, and him actually calling me 3 other times while he spent a month at home 2 hours away.

The Different Types of Online Daters, Part 1


Mr. Perfect On Paper But Not In Person

He’s articulate, witty, charming — and you have just about everything in common. In terms of match questions, you answered most of them exactly the same (except for a few irrelevant ones, like if they know the first name of every person they made out with). But since you’re attracted to more than just his personality, let’s be honest. He is smoking. Hot, that is.

Fast forward: You have excellent conversation, agree to meet in person (oh my god, people actually do that!) and hit it off extremely well. You go on a few dates, and things are going well until you either:

a) Tell him that you’re happy at any point.

b) Tell him (while not suggesting total exclusivity) that you’re not particularly interested in seeing anyone else.

c) Try to make plans with him. At all. Ever.

Suddenly, he stops returning your texts and doesn’t answer his phone. Wait, hold on. What happened? Turns out most men, in my recent experience, have some form of commitment issues that they’d (understandably) rather not tell you about right away, which they then end up using as an excuse (not understandably) to run away (literally) and never talk to you again. Cool. Men suck. Continue reading