Things That Happen When You Start Dating Someone You Actually Like

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So, confession. There’s this guy (yeah, I know right?) I started talking to him a few weeks ago and I’m finding that I like him quite a bit. He took me out for dinner two weeks ago, and then again for drinks on Valentine’s Day. On Friday, we watched movies and drank wine at his place, and the next night we cuddled and watched SNL. Last night, we cooked homemade tomato sauce and pasta. He is educated, chivalrous, nice, attractive, nerdy, good at conversation, and currently defying all of my expectations for meeting someone on the Internet. Seriously.

As a result of meeting and starting to get to know him for the past two weeks, here are some recent trends that I’ve noticed in my life:

  1. I’ve stopped logging on to OkCupid, which means I have very little to blog about unless I actually try to think of good topics — which I haven’t been doing
  2. I’ve started paying more attention to my phone and less attention to my blog stats
  3. My cat is grumpier and more senile than ever, probably because I’m never in my apartment anymore
  4. I often find myself with a huge grin on my face at the most random times of the day
  5. Every cute song ever written by anyone suddenly applies to my life

Lessons Learned Today:

  • Dating can be fun, when it’s with someone you can actually tolerate have a ton of things in common with and really enjoy being around
  • My odds for finding something legitimate on an online dating site are currently: 1/11

Why I Prefer Nerdy Men

Whenever one of my best friends and I discuss our dating lives, we laugh about how we have the complete opposite taste in men. Her dates with her boyfriend involve fixing his car, going for rides on his tractor, and learning how to shoot his gun; I tend to go for guys who wear cardigans and sweaters, love coffee, and geek out over the latest tech. She dates guys who like to hunt, fish, and get dirty; I date boys that like cats, foreign films, and cuddling. I could go on, but you get the idea.

Last week, she wrote a guest post about why she wants a manly man (which was really quite amusing, actually, since a bunch of people initially thought I wrote it) so here is my response to that (which was in the works since I told her to write hers). Continue reading

Why I Want a Manly Man (Guest Post)

This guest post was written by one of my dear friends. You might recognize her as “Jess #2,” J-Person. You love me,” or Anonymous J-Person. You know who I am” in a few of the comments. And without further ado, why she wants a manly man.

Stains. Stains are so… sexy. Grass stains, pit stains, sock stains — anything but tooth stains, ew — are incredibly attractive on a man. Stains mean a man works hard, plays hard, and isn’t afraid of dirt. If a man is willing to get dirty on the job, he’ll be willing to get dirty and work hard elsewhere, if you know what I mean. And I think you do. Let’s face it, girls, that little non-meat-eating hipster emo boy isn’t going to be eating your meat anytime soon. It’s unsanitary.

Since I just made an awesome Tarzan reference, I’m going to make another one. Remember when Tarzan suddenly got all grown up while jumping among the crocodiles and shit in the piranha-infested waters? That, my friends, is when Tarzan became a man. Why’s that? Because he was playing with crocodiles and risking his damn life. I’m not saying that I’m looking for a Steve Irwin type to be my better half, but if my man is afraid of killing a spider… we’re going to have some problems. (Mostly because our house would be overrun with spiders and other creepy crawly things, but that’s something entirely different.)

Men need to act like men. It’s okay for manly men to think with their head sometimes, and I’m not talking about the one with their brain. Continue reading

A big thank you to this dairy company for reminding me that “ridiculously high standards” are acceptable

Ridiculously High StandardsIn college, it was actually an inside joke between me and my friends. We made a Facebook group (back when those were cool) dedicated to my impossibly high standards. It was called “It’s just because of my impossibly high standards…” and I’m pretty sure that we made it to make me feel better about how most of my friends were in relationships and I wasn’t.

The premise: “One fine day, I realized… damn. I have impossibly high standards, and may consequentially end up alone as a crazy cat lady. My own mother affirmed my fears, most unfortunately. Therefore, I have created this group so that those near and dear to me can remind me of all the instances where my impossibly high standards rear their ugly faces.”

This actually never happened. Also, the group is secret and you will never find it. (Insert: evil laugh?) Regardless, that is not the point of this post. Recently, I was reminded by an Anderson Erickson dairy truck that having ridiculously high standards is okay. Seriously, it’s the best life motto. I mostly attribute my lack of romantic relationships to my refusal to settle for anything, and while it’s getting harder to believe that my persistence is worth the wait, little realizations like this tend to briefly satisfy me and my ego.

The point of this post (if you skimmed, because I know you did!): If ridiculously high standards are okay for a dairy company, they’re okay for me!

And thus, I shall write an overview of my standards, of which I was actually recently told aren’t so ridiculous and impossible after all. Any man who I will consider going on a date with more than once must:

  • Have a job. My high school boyfriend did not have a job. I did. It’s not like I’m old-fashioned and expect men to pay for everything, but when you borrow money from your parents to take me out to dinner and a few days later grab $20 from my wallet without asking to buy yourself an energy drink, we’re going to have some problems. Plus, I’m a big girl now. I have a big girl job. I expect the same of the person I’m dating. (If you’re going to be literal, he must have a big boy job and put on his big boy pants to go to work every day, not his big girl pants. I would hope he doesn’t have those.)
  • Be educated (with at least a college degree). I don’t think it’s asking too much to want to be with someone who stimulates me… intellectually
  • Know what being a gentleman entails. I’m not saying I can’t open my car door, but old-fashioned gentlemanly gestures (while not in excess) are quite appreciated by those who have not had the chance to experience them on the regular occasion. See also: me, because I tend to date jerk-offs and losers.
  • Have a car. Because I don’t. We’ll never be able to do anything cool if neither of us can drive anywhere.
  • Have good hygiene. As in, you must shower more than once every three days. The same goes for brushing your teeth.
  • Be articulate. I like conversing. Please also know grammar. There is no bigger turn off for a writer than your/you’re being misused. It’s not that hard. Really.
  • Be able to make me laugh. This one is so self-explanatory, I’m not even going to explain it. (Also because I’m lazy and this blog is getting long because I’m writing it in chunks.)
  • Appreciate coffee shops. Because I spend a lot of time there, and that’s where we’ll hang out. Especially if you don’t have a car.
  • Know how to make more than pasta and instant soup. Because that’s all I feel like making ever. And I really should start branching out with what I eat.
  • Have a sense of propriety. See also: don’t ignore me and hope that I’ll go away. Because I won’t. Imma poke you on Facebook until you defriend me, jerk.
  • Have decent taste in music. While I can appreciate a select few country songs, if you can go on and on about how Toby Keith is your idol, we’re not going to get along. Also, if you like pretentious techno music that no one has ever heard of before, please go date a hipster.
  • Want kids someday. While this isn’t something I’m going to bring up on the first date, I want to have a family. I can’t date someone seriously if they don’t want the same things that I want out of life, and this is one of them. So deal with it.

And must not (I don’t believe this is an exclusive list, but we’ll start with this):

  • Use more hair product than me. Pauly D, I know you’re like Italian-American or whatever, but you’re out.
  • Have excessive facial hair. (Yes, that is my go-to picture for excessive facial hair.)
  • Be afraid of killing bugs that lurk in my apartment.
  • Still have a MySpace.
  • Be boring. No one likes a stuffy, stuck up person with nothing to talk about.
  • Hate cats.

Please note that this list goes in no particular order. (Just in case you were concerned that hygiene is further down on my list than education and being a gentleman, because even if the smartest man in the world who had chivalry down pat was like “I want to date you!” but he didn’t brush his teeth on the regular, I would have to decline.)

Boyfriend applications are over in the corner, just pick one up on your way out… oh. No takers? Drat. Where should I budge?