How to Completely Half-Ass an Important Conversation

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As many of you might have guessed from my last post, I had recently been contemplating making things official with the guy I’ve been dating for the past month or so. (Woah, exciting!) As a bit of a recap, over the course of the past five months I’ve gone from being depressingly single after being abandoned without explanation to going on three dates with three different guys in a single weekend to becoming happily monogamous with someone I really like. That seems like a natural-ish progression of events, I suppose.

Anyway, that’s not really my point here. My point is that for the past week or so, I’d been thinking about the inevitable conversation that I would have to initiate in order to state my intentions that I had no desire to see anyone else and how I hoped that he didn’t either.

That’s kind of a difficult conversation, especially if:

  • You’re the type of person who gets nervous or anxious about simple things, such as scheduling a doctor’s appointment over the phone or not submitting your taxes properly.
  • You’ve already talked about the elephant in the room: why you’re both online dating, the craziest online date you’ve been on, how many relationships you’ve been in, etc.
  • It appears from every angle (how much time you spend together or how “dates” have smoothly transitioned into “hanging out and staying over”)  that no conversation is needed, despite the presence of social norms which allow you to see other people until you’ve strictly made it official.

I think I go against the grain in that once I go on a few dates with a guy I like, I don’t actively try to see or meet other people, in the hopes that dates will transition into a relationship. If I wanted to pursue other options, I would — but I never do.

I thought about ways I could begin the conversation (“So, I was thinking about deleting my OkCupid account…” or “I’ve been assuming we’re exclusive, I hope I’m right…?”), mulled the details of the situation over and over (and over) again, picked friends’ brains about what I should do, agonized and made myself nervous, and last night finally decided to man up and do it. Continue reading

On Making Things “Facebook Official”

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ImageThe whole idea of “Facebook official” quite frankly pisses me off. Like, when did this become a thing? Before 2004, or whenever Mark Zuckerberg began his plot for total world domination, being superpublicly “in a relationship” with someone didn’t really exist outside of your closest group of friends (and family, of course), unless you had a ring on your finger. Right? Am I right?

But now, when you make things official with someone — which I’m fairly certain I’m about to do (!) — there’s the extra layer of expected official-ness. The other elephant in the room: should we put it on Facebook? (Is that a question you ask?) I’ve only ever been Facebook official with two people since I joined in 2006; the first time, I made my high school boyfriend join Facebook specifically for that purpose. The second (and most recent) time, I got wasted on my birthday (as all responsible 22-year-olds do) and demanded that the guy I had been on 4 dates with ask me to be his girlfriend. After a bit of cajoling (signs it’s not going to work out: THERE SHOULD BE NO CAJOLING), he agreed. I mean, I had no idea what I was doing, but at the time it seemed like the right next step (hint: it wasn’t).

We didn’t talk about Facebook. A day later, I changed my status to “in a relationship” because after having “The Talk” with him, I couldn’t list that I was single on my page and feel like I was being completely honest about it. I didn’t request to be in one with him, because I’m a firm believer in letting guys do whatever they’re comfortable with regarding awkward social standards such as these, but he linked our statuses together a few days later.

10 days later, he decided it wasn’t a good idea for us to date anymore.

Well, great. Now that we’ve made our relationship status public for all of Facebook to see, we have to just as publicly remove it. 10 days? Just 10 days? Honestly, my first thought when I realized I had to take it off my profile was: gosh, what are people going to think?

Since then, I’ve been rather turned off to Facebook relationships. Making things official among the two of you as a couple — necessary, I know. Telling your friends — sure. Putting it on Facebook? I still don’t know how I feel about it. The times that I’ve had it up there, I’ve enjoyed seeing it there, but I think it might be for the wrong reasons. If I’m happy, why do I have to validate my happiness with everyone else? Why does more and more of my private life end up in the public eye, ready to be judged? Just some food for thought.

What do you guys think?

When to Not Act Clingy and Emotional: A Quick Guide + A Story!

Guys, I’m not afraid to admit that I’ve been that girl. You know, the super clingy and emotional one. Everyone has at some point, even if you’re not willing to admit it. It happens to the best of us. I’m mostly a reformed clinger — I only get super crazy on occasion — so there’s this one thing I do that makes it somewhat okay: I generally keep it to myself. I know most of you are probably like, what’s the fun in being crazy emotional and super clingy if the guy you’re dating has no idea?

If you’re like me and freak out about the little stuff that really doesn’t matter, trust me. What he doesn’t know right now won’t hurt him, especially if you’ve only gone out a few times.

Regardless, my experiences with being clingy have left me somewhat jaded. When starting to date someone new, I make sure I keep my tendencies to cling in check (see: my general rules for texting men), and I absolutely do not put up with clingy-ness on their end. To be quite frank, I get annoyed when:

  • Someone texts me too much
  • Someone texts me more than three times in a row without a response
  • Someone reads too much into my text messages (or how long it takes me to respond between texts) and overreacts

Thus, I have composed a quick guide on the general situations in which it absolutely inappropriate to be clingy and emotional, as follows:

  • We have only been on two dates
  • I haven’t shown immense interest in you, held your hand, or kissed you
  • I have not texted you since we went out three days ago

Okay. It’s story time. Every guy from my 3 date weekend extravaganza is officially out of the running, which I could honestly care less about. I told my mom the basic premise of this story, and she informed me that the title of my book, which I will be writing, has to be “Gotta Kiss A Lot Of Frogs, I Guess” — the problem is that I haven’t even kissed any of these guys! My experiences have just been that awful that I haven’t even risked it.

Unfortunately, in this post we say goodbye to D (Date #2, who actually might have had some potential), who after 2 dates revealed that he was just a little bit crazy. My take on this whole situation: thankfully it happened sooner rather than later, and thankfully I didn’t have to have the “we’re not exclusive” talk with him — I’m sure he might have cried. Continue reading

Can we please make a movie called SHE’S Just Not That Into You — and make every dude watch it?

Clingy girls were put to shame (myself included, yikes) when the movie He’s Just Not That Into You came out a few years ago. Thanks to the lovely Ginnifer Goodwin’s character in that movie (also hopefully thanks to obvious social cues), most girls understand that when a guy doesn’t text or call them back, it means they’re really not that interested.

Unfortunately, there is no such public manual for clueless dudes.

When I ignore text messages — and I really don’t do this all that often — it never sends the message that a dude should back off, because they keep texting me. Any self-respecting girl (hi, that’s me — hopefully you too) would not text a guy more than three times in a row without a response. Thus, it baffles me when my inbox from Date #3 (yes, awful date #3) looks like this:

Monday evening: Hi

Tuesday evening: Hey

Wednesday evening: How was your concert yesterday? Continue reading