When to Not Act Clingy and Emotional: A Quick Guide + A Story!

Guys, I’m not afraid to admit that I’ve been that girl. You know, the super clingy and emotional one. Everyone has at some point, even if you’re not willing to admit it. It happens to the best of us. I’m mostly a reformed clinger — I only get super crazy on occasion — so there’s this one thing I do that makes it somewhat okay: I generally keep it to myself. I know most of you are probably like, what’s the fun in being crazy emotional and super clingy if the guy you’re dating has no idea?

If you’re like me and freak out about the little stuff that really doesn’t matter, trust me. What he doesn’t know right now won’t hurt him, especially if you’ve only gone out a few times.

Regardless, my experiences with being clingy have left me somewhat jaded. When starting to date someone new, I make sure I keep my tendencies to cling in check (see: my general rules for texting men), and I absolutely do not put up with clingy-ness on their end. To be quite frank, I get annoyed when:

  • Someone texts me too much
  • Someone texts me more than three times in a row without a response
  • Someone reads too much into my text messages (or how long it takes me to respond between texts) and overreacts

Thus, I have composed a quick guide on the general situations in which it absolutely inappropriate to be clingy and emotional, as follows:

  • We have only been on two dates
  • I haven’t shown immense interest in you, held your hand, or kissed you
  • I have not texted you since we went out three days ago

Okay. It’s story time. Every guy from my 3 date weekend extravaganza is officially out of the running, which I could honestly care less about. I told my mom the basic premise of this story, and she informed me that the title of my book, which I will be writing, has to be “Gotta Kiss A Lot Of Frogs, I Guess” — the problem is that I haven’t even kissed any of these guys! My experiences have just been that awful that I haven’t even risked it.

Unfortunately, in this post we say goodbye to D (Date #2, who actually might have had some potential), who after 2 dates revealed that he was just a little bit crazy. My take on this whole situation: thankfully it happened sooner rather than later, and thankfully I didn’t have to have the “we’re not exclusive” talk with him — I’m sure he might have cried. Continue reading

Can we please make a movie called SHE’S Just Not That Into You — and make every dude watch it?

Clingy girls were put to shame (myself included, yikes) when the movie He’s Just Not That Into You came out a few years ago. Thanks to the lovely Ginnifer Goodwin’s character in that movie (also hopefully thanks to obvious social cues), most girls understand that when a guy doesn’t text or call them back, it means they’re really not that interested.

Unfortunately, there is no such public manual for clueless dudes.

When I ignore text messages — and I really don’t do this all that often — it never sends the message that a dude should back off, because they keep texting me. Any self-respecting girl (hi, that’s me — hopefully you too) would not text a guy more than three times in a row without a response. Thus, it baffles me when my inbox from Date #3 (yes, awful date #3) looks like this:

Monday evening: Hi

Tuesday evening: Hey

Wednesday evening: How was your concert yesterday? Continue reading

A Small Rant About Texting

I’m not the biggest fan of texting. Usually, because guys either don’t text me enough or they text me too much (appropriate to make a Goldilocks joke about my texting expectations?) But right now, it’s because this conversation just happened:

Guy whose number I don’t have*: Hey, long time, no talk

Me: (panic panic panic who is that?)

Me: Sorry, who is this again? I don’t have your number in my phone :/ (Sideways frown will certainly indicate that I truly am sorry I have deleted whoever’s number this is!)

GWNIDH: Haha I figured, it’s one of the guys from OkCupid you talked to awhile back. I can stop texting you if you want.

Me: Yeah, that’s probably best. Sorry. (What I actually wanted to say: You’re kidding me, right? We haven’t spoken for a month and a half, you know that I deleted your number, and you still think I want you to text me? Jesus. Nope.)

*We messaged back and forth for a bit, and he was like text me and we can be friends! I was at a really low point in my dating life so I obliged, and then he proceeded to text me incessantly for days until I just started ignoring him. I’m serious, he was pestering the shit out of me. After a week of not speaking, I assumed he got the message and I eventually deleted his number.

Clearly, we’re not on the same page.

Also, I’ve gotten messages from people that are like “do you have a phone number?” and “can you text?”

My smart-ass responses:

1. Yes, I have a phone number. You could actually ask me for it instead of being passive aggressive about it because I hate when people are passive aggressive.

2. Yes, I am physically able to text. I don’t like it, but I am physically able to do so, although I’m not sure why you’re asking me this. Please elaborate further.

Most of these related articles aren’t actually related, either. They just look funny.

Should I text him? (No, probably not.)

Credit: Becca Clason

I hate texting men. Why? Men either:

a) Suck at texting. If you send them a text at 3pm on a Saturday to make plans (a perfectly reasonable time — they should be awake by then) they don’t reply until 8pm, at which point you’ve resigned to staying in with a bottle of wine, a movie, and possibly a girlfriend or two to over-analyze why he sucks at texting you back.

b) Miraculously don’t suck at texting. If only I could meet a man who is attached to his phone as much as I am…

c) Annoy the shit out of you with their text messages, no matter how frequent or infrequent. (See: Texts from Bennett, although not quite as ridden with grammatical, spelling, and cultural errors.)

Regardless: I usually go out with guys who seriously don’t know how to operate a phone, so I’m normally the one who ends up initiating the text conversation. Thus, the helpfulness of this well-designed flowchart. I have a few rules to keep my texting habits in check, mostly so I don’t freak the guy out — but also to keep myself sane.

  1. If you want to guarantee a response, ask a question at the end of the text. That’s the last thing he’ll see, and if he’s not a total jerkface, he’ll feel somewhat obligated to respond. Level of crazy (1-5): 1. New questions are what keep the conversation flowing, unless you’re asking “where are you?” and “what are you doing?” and “are you sure you can’t hang out tonight? :(“
  2. Two texts in a row are acceptable, but only when you’re either: a) clarifying information that may have been misunderstood in a previous text, b) trying to make plans, or c) texting him again after a 24-hour period has passed. Three texts in a row, sent in a 24-hour period without any response from him, are absolutely unacceptable. Level of crazy: 3. I’ve had issues with being clingy in the past, so this rule might be a little strict.
  3. If he’s taking awhile to respond in between texts, do the same — he’s making you wait, so he can wait too. Level of crazy: 1. It’s not crazy. It’s called not being an eager beaver.

So, I have my rules. Thankfully, it means I’ve never been this girl. Ladies, I want to hear from you: do you make yourself follow any rules when texting a new guy or does anything go?